Tips on Including Children in Your Wedding Ceremony

Children at your wedding will it work?

So you’re thinking of having your four-year-old niece as the flower girl and your fiancé’s five-year-old twin nephews as ring bearers. After watching the children run around and roll on the ground while they play, however, you’re having second thoughts. At the same time, you don’t want to offend anyone in the family by not allowing the children to walk down the aisle on your special day.

With a tiny bit of preparation it could work perfectly.

First, I highly recommend a rehearsal the day before the wedding. Children (and adults) feel much more secure knowing exactly where they will start walking, where they will go, where they will stand, how they will exit, and where they will go after the procession.

Second, assign someone who is not in the wedding party to watch the children. Sometimes, when a child is very young, the excitement can be overwhelming and he or she needs to leave the room. The child can be taken to a safe, comfortable place to calm down. This seldom happens, but it’s nice to be prepared just in case.

Third, I favor the little ones sitting down after they walk in rather than standing up with the rest of the wedding party. However, at one wedding I performed, the two-year-old flower girl was the daughter of the Matron of Honor and the little one wanted to stand by her mother. That was fine. The little girl simply got up from her chair, walked over to her mother and stood there, happy as could be. It was a nice added touch. It was better to let her stay then to try and convince her to take her seat.

Fourth, be prepared to go along with whatever the child or children would like to do (unless they’re screaming their heads off). Children are always cute no matter what they do (with the one screaming exception). At a recent wedding that I officiated, the flower girl and the ring bearer started to walk in together as planned. But when the four-year-old boy saw the six-year-old flower girl dropping petals on the ground, he stopped to pick them up. He proceeded down the aisle after her, picking up each and every petal. When he finally reached the end of the aisle, he ran to his dad declaring, “Dad, I saved all the petals!” Cute!

Fifth and most importantly, remember that the children are stepping outside of their comfort zone. Praise them and tell them what a great job they are doing and how important they are to the ceremony. They will never forget your sincere gratitude.

What is my guidance on having children in the wedding party? Go ahead. Be prepared. Give them directions. And let them be their beautiful, innocent selves.


Lisa is a special needs teacher and a hugger. She always makes time for everyone and lightens up everybody’s lives with her presence. When she is not chasing her students around the yard, she finds time to write about what she truly loves, and you guessed it, its people and relationships.