Gay Wedding Fashion: Keeping Your Identity

Gay Wedding Fashion: Keeping Your Identity

Straight couples have it easy. The bride gets to shine in all of her white-petticoated glory, and the groom gets to look dapper in a tux that’s all his own. But what do you do when the person you’re marrying is choosing from the same fashion spectrum as yourself? Sure, some couples may delight in the idea of dressing like twins. If you, however, want to make sure you stand out on your wedding day, you’ll have to find a fashion statement that suits your personality.

Mismatch with Style

Just because your partner wants to play Cinderella for the day, you’re not obligated to follow suit. The key to dressing on your wedding day is wearing something that makes you feel comfortable. If you feel like you’re wearing a costume that isn’t fully “you,” your discomfort will show in your wedding pictures. Don’t risk looking uncomfortable in your wedding album because you’re self-conscious about your outfit.

If you and your partner have widely different ideas about what constitutes the perfect wedding garment, play your style differences to your advantage. You can do an “Ellen and Portia” where one of you wears a tailored look and the other wears a flowing dress. Your personalities go together well enough to get married, after all, so if you each dress to fit your personality, you can’t go wrong.

The only thing to keep in mind when shopping for dissimilar outfits is to make sure the colors and styles mesh well. If one of you finds the perfect outfit first, bring it or a swatch of matching material to the store when you shop for its mate. Pair warm tones with warm tones and cool tones with cool tones.

Pay attention to the material of your outfit, as well. Casual fabrics like linen look odd when paired with formal fabrics like satin. Try to find outfits that are from roughly the same date range, as well. You don’t want to look like one of you is auditioning for a Medieval Times show without the other.

Suits Me Fine

If you’re not the type of bride who wears dresses regularly, don’t panic. Your wedding day isn’t a big conspiracy to squeeze you into a ball gown. Dressing more femininely than your comfort level can result in you feeling like you’re starring in a terrible drag show. Luckily, you have plenty of options. Dress suits are a popular choice among brides regardless of their orientation.

Lucky you; the tailored look is flattering for any body type. Whether you’re having a custom suit made for the occasion or you’re just altering an existing suit, it’s essential to take the garment to a professional for a true fit. Especially if you’re a curvy woman who will be wearing a man’s suit, you’ll need to have the suit fitted to your body to look just right.

This is not a place to conserve money. Why risk looking rumpled in your wedding album? Those pictures will be around for years to come. When your clothing fits well, it affects how you move, how you carry yourself, and even your mood.

Can’t decide where you fall on the butch/femme scale? Mixing a masculine suit with feminine accessories or a flowing hairstyle can be an easy way to capture the mix of yin and yang you require. You can also pair a suit top with a skirt for a style that’s sure to flatter.

Many skirt suits come in already-paired sets, but you can exercise some creativity by pairing your own. Always bring the garment you already own when visiting stores, however. You don’t want to be fooled by the store lighting into buying colors that aren’t an exact match.

If your wedding won’t be formal enough for a full suit, you can still pair linen pants or a flattering skirt with a collared shirt or vest for a scaled-back version of the same effect.

Choosing Rings

A common question among gay couples is, “Do we have to have matching rings?” The answer, as with matching wedding outfits, is an emphatic no. While some couples think that wearing matching rings is the height of romance, ultimately you need to feel comfortable with the band that’s on your finger. Keep in mind that you’re still an individual. It’s your personality that makes you the person your partner fell in love with, after all. The ring you wear should reflect that.

Preparing for your upcoming wedding can be a whirlwind of excitement, nervousness, and yes, sometimes outright confusion. There are (often contradicting) etiquette rules for every small interaction from composing the seating arrangements to determining how much to tip each vendor. There are two families coming together, each with their own set of emotions and requests.

Furthermore, the entire wedding industry is skewed toward assisting straight couples, leaving you wondering how exactly you’ll find your place. In all this tumult, it can sometimes be easy to forget that your wedding day is taking place for you. As you design your ceremony, and especially as you choose your outfit, keep your personality at the forefront and you’ll do just fine.


Lisa is a special needs teacher and a hugger. She always makes time for everyone and lightens up everybody’s lives with her presence. When she is not chasing her students around the yard, she finds time to write about what she truly loves, and you guessed it, its people and relationships.