So your wedding is just a couple of months away? Wow! Congratulations! You must be so…. umm… stressed? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? If you are feeling the pressure of all the last- minute logistics most weddings entail, you’re certainly not alone. But here’s what I have to share with you—there is a way to get back to enjoying the process, and, in my opinion, it’s absolutely essential that you do just that.
Your wedding day is just one day. It’s one phenomenally important day- but it’s still just twenty-four hours. In my experience, it’s rare to find a couple who can fully grasp the pressure they may feel in those last few weeks, no matter how much they prepare.
Magazines and websites are designed to blow you away with the infinite choices available to you, and to entice you to spend your money on numerous miscellaneous novelties you are likely to have never seen before. No other occasion may bombard you with as many opinions from family and friends as your wedding day. And you may be feeling pressure from all who are close to you to please everybody by making everything ‘just right’- whatever that means.
Yes, I think the ideal celebration does balance reflecting who you two are as a couple, with a bit of tradition, and some nods to your heritage that will honor those dear to you. I think the tone is important, and unique touches are important.
But I have seen too often that couples, especially, in my experience, the bride, become so stressed with the logistics that they lose the joy of the planning. Here’s my suggestion—remember why you are doing this to begin with. And then remind yourself again and again. What is this day really about?
If you’re getting married for the right reasons, then you are likely doing so because you are very much in love with this amazing person, and you want a public celebration before those who care about you to honor and proclaim your commitment. That’s it. Write it down. Put it on a post it on your fridge and your mirrors. Put it in your day planner, above everything else.
Meditation can be very helpful for getting centered and grounded- even five minutes each day can make a huge difference. Waking up and setting your intention for the day, keeping in mind the big picture is useful. Counting your blessings and expressing gratitude for all that is working perfectly helps.
When you are able to remember that really this is just about publicly honoring your love and commitment, how much does it matter what you name your reception tables, whether your cake topper will arrive on time, or how to match the shade of your flowers to your nail polish?
These weeks leading up to the wedding are not there for you to ‘just get through’ them. These days are the journey- and the journey is all there is. Every day, no matter how much you are balancing, you have an opportunity to connect with your partner, to remind each other how much you love each other, to share words of appreciation, to notice that person for what they are doing to help, not for what they have missed.
Remember that you can never please everyone—you can only focus on what really matters: that you have found a partner to cherish, and that you will celebrate that before those you love.
One last thing—in the words of the prolific and masterfully influential Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, “Smile, breathe and go slowly.”
Lisa is a special needs teacher and a hugger. She always makes time for everyone and lightens up everybody’s lives with her presence. When she is not chasing her students around the yard, she finds time to write about what she truly loves, and you guessed it, its people and relationships.