Since marriage is an extremely personal life event, sometimes the people you invite to witness it get the wrong idea. They think they’re being invited to help plan the wedding; not merely attend it. If you’ve been under a barrage of uber-personal questions since you announced your engagement, you’re not alone. The best thing to do is get your responses ready ahead of time.
“You’re Getting Married Again?”
There’s no shame in finding the perfect life partner the second (or third, or fourth) time around. When you tell a friend or relative about your wedding, it’s because you want to share your happiness with them. Being reminded of previous bad decisions can be extremely deflating and hurtful.
Respond honestly and let your genuine feelings guide the discussion. Let the speaker know that you came to her with joyful news because you value your friendship. Let her know that the past is behind you and share the reasons you’re excited about your current relationship.
Remember, a second marriage can be twice as nice. If you can avoid bristling and snapping, your genuine response to the comment may just shame the speaker into realizing how inappropriate it was.
“Are You Going to Try to Lose Weight?”
This remark comes in a lot of variations. It might be uttered by your mother as you shop for bridal gowns in your current size. It might be casually spoken by a diet-obsessed friend–or a jealous one. You might even hear it from your own fiancé. Unless you’ve already spoken of your intention to shed a few pre-wedding pounds, there is no reason for anyone to bring up this topic.
Be firm in your response. Let the speaker know that their remark was inappropriate because you are an adult with full awareness of your own body. Explain that health and self-image are extremely personal topics and you are surprised to be asked such an intimate question.
Remind the speaker that brides and grooms of all sizes and shapes happily marry each other every day, and that when your big day comes you intend to be focused on the joy and love in your heart–not the size of your waistband.
“You’re Not Wearing a White Dress, Are You?”
Prepare to hear this comment about your purity (or lack thereof) from the strict traditionalists who believe only virgins wear white bridal gowns. If you’ve dated other people before, or are currently living with your fiancé, you’re hardly alone.
Many modern couples think the concept of “saving themselves” for marriage is archaic and even counterproductive to a healthy relationship. Still other couples embrace the idea of purity and place great importance on remaining untouched until the wedding night.
When it comes down to it, it’s a pretty personal decision–which is exactly why no one else should be getting involved.
First, let the busybodies know you’re shocked that they’ve taken such a keen interest in your bedroom activity. (That should be good for getting a blush out of them, at the very least.) Then, it may help to give a brief rundown on the history of wedding gown colors, starting with the fact that a white dress is actually anything but traditional; it only started because people wanted to copy the fashionable Queen Victoria!
Just think–if Queen V had taken a liking to brown burlap instead, you’d be too busy itching to even care about overly-personal questions.
It can be hard to remain calm under fire from overly-personal questions, but escalating the situation through rude remarks of your own is a surefire way to destroy friendships. Try to remain graceful yet firm as you answer the busybodies in your life.
Lisa is a special needs teacher and a hugger. She always makes time for everyone and lightens up everybody’s lives with her presence. When she is not chasing her students around the yard, she finds time to write about what she truly loves, and you guessed it, its people and relationships.