Between all of the tastings, the fittings, the tight scheduling, and the overall chaos that may have seemed to surround your lives since the infamous questions was popped, you might be challenged to think of the last time he held a door open for you or took you out to dinner “just because,” or the last time she talked to you about something other than your upcoming nuptials. If the stress of planning your wedding has started to impede on “couple time,” or you find yourself talking exclusively about all things wedding, it’s time to stop and take a breath.
Carve Out a Wedding Planning Half Time
First and foremost, it’s time to reconnect. Plan a romantic meal for two at your favorite restaurant, pop up some instant popcorn and pick out a movie, or grab yourselves some concert tickets and make a night (or day) of it. Spend some time discussing what’s happening in one another’s lives outside of the upcoming wedding. It can be surprising how much there is to talk about with someone you see every day.
If you must visit the wedding during conversation, take a minute to check in with your partner to see how they’re doing emotionally with all of it—not whether you’ve picked out the perfect shade of teal for the invites—but how they’re feeling about the process, their level of involvement, etc. Periodic status reports ensure that one of you hasn’t dominated the planning process and that the effort, and thus the result, is a shared experience.
Make it Fun
Make your wedding to-do list more fun than chore. If it’s starting to feel like the planning process has become something you have to do versus something your want to do, your betrothed is going to pick up on that and will end up just going through the motions with you as opposed to enjoying the experience.
You can plan all of your tastings throughout the course of an afternoon. Have fun on your “mini dates,” going from one caterer to the next—just make sure to pace yourself, taking just a few bites of each course—and you’re both sure to leave happy and satiated. When checking out the party rentals for your big day, stray from the glassware aisle and see if the party rental company will let you try out some of their inflatable games. Who knows—a Velcro wall could be just the perfect addition to your reception.
Break Up the To-Do List
You know your partner best and will able to easily identify any aspects of the process that may be causing any undue stress or tension; so volunteer to take on those tasks in exchange for him or her taking on ones that you’re struggling with. Divvy up the responsibilities by playing to your partner’s strengths. A receptive spouse will recognize your attempts to make this a mutually enjoyable experience and follow suit.
For the more difficult items on your agenda, work on them together. For example, you may want to work on the invite list together but find that your fiancé, being somewhat of a one-man UN, is more than capable of drawing up the dreaded seating chart while your designer eye scopes out possible décor options for your reception hall.
Communication is Key
Don’t be afraid to talk with your soon-to-be spouse. If you’re stressed by the situation, frustrated with certain aspects, or find yourself floundering, even just the act of talking it out with him or her can be just what you need to get back on track. If that’s not enough, remember that two heads are always better than one, and she may have a solution you hadn’t even thought of, or he may just alleviate the stress all together by volunteering to take on more responsibility. Pent up emotions can lead to anger and resentment. Keep it all out in the open to prevent things from getting out of hand.
When times get hectic, the hectic get creative. By finding ways to get things done without losing sight of one another, you’re sure to have a much more fulfilling and exciting experience. Remember that you are not in this alone, and that you fell in love with this person for a reason—whether he can make you laugh in the darkest of times or she can make the most difficult task seem like child’s play—nurture each other’s strengths and don’t be afraid to lend a helping hand.
Lisa is a special needs teacher and a hugger. She always makes time for everyone and lightens up everybody’s lives with her presence. When she is not chasing her students around the yard, she finds time to write about what she truly loves, and you guessed it, its people and relationships.